Post by Debbie Lasiter-Morris on May 12, 2007 20:59:35 GMT -5
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My
wife's going to have our baby in the cab!" I grabbed my
stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife
that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than> five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch,
the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body! Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered.."Why,
not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and
the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient
had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating able, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing
female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing
me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My
wife's going to have our baby in the cab!" I grabbed my
stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress, and began to take
off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
---and I was in the wrong one. Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife
that her husband had
died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than> five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch,
the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
body! Now, the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
"How long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered.."Why,
not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used
to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and
the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient
had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating able, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the
lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing
female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a
habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing
me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
